Hello Again

Whoa, it's actually been a whole month since my last post, and probably over a month since my last significant post. I think the problem was that I didn't know what I wanted to say. I didn't know what kind of voice I wanted to have. I'm still not sure honestly.

But

I realized that I rather post something, write anything, than do nothing at all.
In the last month, I've celebrated my 18th birthday, reunited with old friends, applied for a job, got a new laptop, and hosted my school's first semi formal dance. Life has been good. Nothing to complain about.

But

I've been thinking a lot about my future, and where I want to go with my writing. I'm always the person that people talk to when they are confused on their direction. I see other people's lives in a very simplistic perspective. Nothing is complicated until you make it complicated. However, when it comes to my own life, I guess you could say that I'm pretty hypocritical in that sense. I have a habit of over-thinking (as most teens do) and that gets in the way of a lot of things. I've recently told many friends ways that they can get started in their field, whether that be graphic design, photography, fashion, etc. I always urge them to start now, that there is no reason they cannot do what they love now. But I forget to tell myself that.

I forget that I can be writing right now. I forget that I have a voice, and whether one person reads my article, or 1000, my voice is important. Maybe I'm lazy, or maybe I just scared.

Either way, I want to take my own advice.

I don't know what this is...

I have 5 unpublished drafts.
 I keep wanting to write, but I don't know what to say.
January has been great, but things have suddenly taken a turn. Slowly going back to how they used to be, which wasn't so good. I still don't know what to say.
So, I wrote a poem. Just quickly, but here's the first draft.

 Raw.  


Feel my heart, feel the vein 
As blood rushes through, there is no pain.
 But only in the mind , can one see, 
the peson I envision, I hope that she's me. 

I hope she see's the world; for its holy and true. 
I hope she finds love, or it's that which finds you.

 Too many pale faces.
 All look alike. come from the darkness.
 Grave from the fight.
 Fight for the soul, discover its code.
 At 17 years, she felt oh so old. 

I don't if this makes sense. I don't if anyone even reads this.
But this is me, feeling something.
This is me, expressing.

Weird waiters,but lovely friends

I can definitely understand why restaurants are hesitant when students/teens arrive, and I cannot blame them too much. Tonight, I went out to celebrate my bestie's 18th. The beautiful brown young woman, who has been in my life for nearly 10 years. She's a jem, and it's been rad to watch her grow into a young woman. Of course, as my bestfriend, it is my duty to tell her that I hate her all the time, but today, today I decided that I would be nice for once and explain the love that I have for her in my heart and soul. Yes, both. A dual combination.

Friends are a lovely thing. Unlike family these are people that you choose to have in your life, and it is also these people that will tell you who you are. Well these two amazing people tell me that I am kind, funny, energetic, loving, fierce, and definitely sassy. These two people, are so important to me, and even though I go off to university soon (super scary), I think (and hope) that they will always mean this much to me.

On a side note, we head a very weird waiter or host guy. We walked in, and called our reservation, which was originally for 18 but then reduced to 12, and then reduced to 8. Yeah, people definitely suck. But anyways, the guy had us waiting in the for for maybe 10 minutes (no big deal) and took us to the table. There was a little shade thrown with snide comments about not needing and many tables as need, but, as I love to say, "there are some things you lowe."

The weird stuff really started to kick in later when more guest arrived. The guy constantly tried photo-bombing our pictures, which at first was funny,but then a little ridiculous. Like really man, for the 5th time? Really? At some point, someone said they didn't want to ask the guy to take a picture of us because he was annoying, and the guy gave us the cold shoulder (or service) for the rest of the night! What!? I didn't even understand life at that point.
Then, as we were leaving, he says to me "I bet you guys enjoyed yourselves. You were laughing your asses off. What was so funny?"

.... What?
Who are you?
Where do you come from?
What?

LIFE IS FUNNY SIR. LIFE IS FUNNY AND I SHALL LAUGH AS I WISH.

Like I said, super weird. But overall, it was a lovely night. Not mad at all.
(Sorry for the horrible summary, its 1 am, and Zuw is kinda tired)

Not Another Teenage Blogger...

Yes, yes it is another teenage blogger.

Of course, 2015 seems a little late to step into the oh so competitive world of blogging, anything is better late than never right? Or at least that's what I try to tell myself before spending 5 hours reading about blog platform and HTML coding. Which, just to let you guys know, I still have no understanding of. So, time wasted? Maybe not.

Last night, I was emotional. You know, stereotypical teenage girl type of emotional where you just want to roll around on the floor and cry and listen to very intense dream-pop music, because who else can feel your pain better than Beach House? Come on, Real Love, Gila? Those songs are meant for my body on floor, featuring a tear or two.  Okay, maybe three.

Anyways, that whole this was weird. Yes, very weird. I was getting emotional because, well, I don't know. I don;t know, and I think it's okay not to know sometimes. Why do people always feel that there needs to be a reason for someone to be emotional? I'm young, and I'm dumb, and sometimes I just want to scream and shout, and other times, I just want to tell the world that I love you all.

This post, is just a post. It's just me talking, literally, to myself, or to you, in my room. But, I think it's always the beginning of something. It could be the beginning of something really significant, to at least. And with that, I'm pretty happy. After my emotional drama, I realized that I wanted to take another go at blogging (yes, I've tried and failed multiple times, but never give up right?) and do something just for me. Just for Zuw. but I also wanted to share with you guys (whoever you guys are). So, this whole thing, as you've probably noticed from the title, is about being true to yourself and being true to others. So, this is me trying to be true to Zuw.