Hello Again

Whoa, it's actually been a whole month since my last post, and probably over a month since my last significant post. I think the problem was that I didn't know what I wanted to say. I didn't know what kind of voice I wanted to have. I'm still not sure honestly.

But

I realized that I rather post something, write anything, than do nothing at all.
In the last month, I've celebrated my 18th birthday, reunited with old friends, applied for a job, got a new laptop, and hosted my school's first semi formal dance. Life has been good. Nothing to complain about.

But

I've been thinking a lot about my future, and where I want to go with my writing. I'm always the person that people talk to when they are confused on their direction. I see other people's lives in a very simplistic perspective. Nothing is complicated until you make it complicated. However, when it comes to my own life, I guess you could say that I'm pretty hypocritical in that sense. I have a habit of over-thinking (as most teens do) and that gets in the way of a lot of things. I've recently told many friends ways that they can get started in their field, whether that be graphic design, photography, fashion, etc. I always urge them to start now, that there is no reason they cannot do what they love now. But I forget to tell myself that.

I forget that I can be writing right now. I forget that I have a voice, and whether one person reads my article, or 1000, my voice is important. Maybe I'm lazy, or maybe I just scared.

Either way, I want to take my own advice.

I don't know what this is...

I have 5 unpublished drafts.
 I keep wanting to write, but I don't know what to say.
January has been great, but things have suddenly taken a turn. Slowly going back to how they used to be, which wasn't so good. I still don't know what to say.
So, I wrote a poem. Just quickly, but here's the first draft.

 Raw.  


Feel my heart, feel the vein 
As blood rushes through, there is no pain.
 But only in the mind , can one see, 
the peson I envision, I hope that she's me. 

I hope she see's the world; for its holy and true. 
I hope she finds love, or it's that which finds you.

 Too many pale faces.
 All look alike. come from the darkness.
 Grave from the fight.
 Fight for the soul, discover its code.
 At 17 years, she felt oh so old. 

I don't if this makes sense. I don't if anyone even reads this.
But this is me, feeling something.
This is me, expressing.

Snow Day Missions

Forget about that blizzard in New York, mother nature has decided to bombard Canada with a snow storm. So, you know what that means... SNOW DAY! When I was younger, these were the days where I would rush outside in my highlighter pink snowpants. Covered from head to toe in the warmest gear my mom could throw on me, barely being able to move, somehow I still loved every moment. Every ball of snow thrown at me, every snow angel, the whole bit. Those are the kind of things that I can appreciate about winter. And when I'd come inside, with hot chocolate made and ready on the table...oh, my heart skipped a beat. But, that was a long time ago, and these snow days aren't as fun. For most of us, it's just about finishing extra work for school, or something of the sort. Luckily, I've don't everything, and have found time to pick up some fun activities for days like this. Last summer, my mom taught me how to use a sewing machine. It was quite an experience, and I can definitely appreciate all the work that designers,tailors, and all the people in the clothing industry go through. It's tough stuff! Setting the machine, threading the needle, actually sewing! It's a whole day's work! Or, for a beginner like me, a whole week, but in that week, I was proud to make my first summer dress. It was a little blue thing, and maybe I'll post pictures when I'm less lazy, but I was very proud. And from this, I've been motivated to tailor some of my other clothes, so hopefully that could be today's mission.

Casual Outings with Zuw

Just a cute little outfit for a dinner. Nude tone skirt with a fab texture, and a black wool leveled sweater. Throw on a few accessories, and you're ready to go. I wish I could've gotten the boots too. A snap from a nice evening, and Zuw striking a poseee.

FIX UP, LOOK SHARP

p.s. I AM TRYING TO GET A NICE CAMERA. PLEASE FORGIVE THE QUALITY (OR LACK THERE OF)

IS IT TIME FOR THE BIG CHOP?

OKAY. YES.
THIS IS A REAL CONSIDERATION.

So, for a while, I've been considering doing the big chop. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, the big chop is when you decide to cut off most or all your hair, and basically restart. It's pretty scary to be honest.

All my life, I've only wanted long hair, and have only felt truly at my best with long hair. But,I've only gotten that with braids, extensions, etc. I'll admit it, my natural hair is one of my biggest insecurities. It probably has a lot to do with the "good hair" vs "bad hair" debate, and I've always felt that I've been of the less pretty side of that. Now, I have done the natural thang! I really have, but in Canada, with Canadian weather, and Canadian snow, it's kind of hard to maintain health when your hair isn't made for this kind of climate.
That's just how it is.

But, I think I want to take the next step to really let my hair do its thaaang.
I usually go natural over the spring-summer months, when we're lucky enough to get it, but now, it doesn't feel like its enough. I don't know. This could be just a spur of the moment thing, but I'm really debating taking that step.

Can a 4C really take that kind of chop and grow back better and stronger? I dont know, and that's my fear. That my hair wont grow. And honestly, it doesn't feel like it has over the last... 4-5 years?

I think I need change. Maybe change my habits, change my regime, do something!
Any suggestions for a High school senior debaiting the big chop? Holla at your girlllllllll

- Zuw

Waking up Zuw

So I woke up this morning, and after obviously staying in bed for at least 45 minutes, just staring at the ceiling and thinking about life, I felt this inner need. I had this feeling of "hey, you know what you should do today? Blog." And I was like, oh, that's true.

So, from the time I woke up, which was around 9:30-10 am, I've just been prowling the internet, finding interesting blogs and such and just indulging in the fabulous community that is the blogosphere. I noticed that through my searches, I was looking for a lot of African-American fashion bloggers. Not that I don't love my Caucasian, Latino, Asian, etc. peeps, but I really wanted to explore black fashion and see how different women express themselves. It was wonderful, and surprisingly liberating.

I'm not sure why I chose that word. Liberating.
But I think that was really how I felt as I went through page after page of Vintage Virgin and Where Did U Get That.These women are wonderful, fabulous, confident, and ahhhhh.

Yes, I am definitely fan girling right now, and I am not afraid to say it!

Their styles are so unique and crafty, and just ... :). I'm literally all smiles. So, that was a gem.
But, trust me, this is not a dedication blog, and no, I'm not trying to be the next Canadian fashionista. No, no. That is not Zuw. Zuw likes clothes, Zuw likes pretty things. No, I cannot name brand on brand for you, but yes I can definitely style a great thrifted outfit for you. So, that's me. That's me being true to Zuw. If I post about fashion, it's literally because found something cool and want to share it, not me trying to make a statement and dive into the fashion journalism world. Although that would be super cool.

I feel like that's sort of the objective for a lot of teen bloggers, which isn't a bad thing either. The kids that sit at Starbucks tables for hours on hours, red lipstick, black coffee, and mac book. Anxiously typing away about the newest Tartan collection for Spring/Summer 2015. Oh, and don't forget the DLSR camera on the table. I can appreciate the effort they put into their passion for fashion.

But... That probably won't be me. And I can accept that. I don't have to be that person.
Do you ever feel like, there's so much pressure to become that person though? It's kind of like that "keeping up with the Jones" mentality, but with, I don't know, Becky.

I say this stuff because I've been there. I've been the odd girl out with a room of Beckys (I say Becky because I actually have a sister named Becky). Gothic chic has been very dominant for a while, and that includes super strong black white contrasts, with sharp angles. So, my school has been taken over by a league of pale faced girls, with wine colour lipstick. You know that old saying? All different in the same way? Yeah... It was like that.

But anyways, I digress from my point. My point is that I can really appreciate all the young black female bloggers out there making a name for themselves. It's super inspiring for a girl like me to see someone who looks like me. Black women are rarely appropriately represented in the media, so it's nice to see young women like me. A 17 year-old, 5'2 on a good day, Cocoa coloured young woman. I can really appreciate it. And it would be more lovely to find more Toronto based women, but know knows, maybe I'm not searching enough. But, I'm sure I'll find them one day. Or, maybe I'll be that Canadian blogger that I'm looking for.

Who knowwwwwwwwws