Hello Again

Whoa, it's actually been a whole month since my last post, and probably over a month since my last significant post. I think the problem was that I didn't know what I wanted to say. I didn't know what kind of voice I wanted to have. I'm still not sure honestly.

But

I realized that I rather post something, write anything, than do nothing at all.
In the last month, I've celebrated my 18th birthday, reunited with old friends, applied for a job, got a new laptop, and hosted my school's first semi formal dance. Life has been good. Nothing to complain about.

But

I've been thinking a lot about my future, and where I want to go with my writing. I'm always the person that people talk to when they are confused on their direction. I see other people's lives in a very simplistic perspective. Nothing is complicated until you make it complicated. However, when it comes to my own life, I guess you could say that I'm pretty hypocritical in that sense. I have a habit of over-thinking (as most teens do) and that gets in the way of a lot of things. I've recently told many friends ways that they can get started in their field, whether that be graphic design, photography, fashion, etc. I always urge them to start now, that there is no reason they cannot do what they love now. But I forget to tell myself that.

I forget that I can be writing right now. I forget that I have a voice, and whether one person reads my article, or 1000, my voice is important. Maybe I'm lazy, or maybe I just scared.

Either way, I want to take my own advice.

Truth

I've been purposefully avoiding posts. I'm beginning I think it's out of fear. Fear of having nothing to say. Or, fear of not being worth listening to.

I don't know what this is...

I have 5 unpublished drafts.
 I keep wanting to write, but I don't know what to say.
January has been great, but things have suddenly taken a turn. Slowly going back to how they used to be, which wasn't so good. I still don't know what to say.
So, I wrote a poem. Just quickly, but here's the first draft.

 Raw.  


Feel my heart, feel the vein 
As blood rushes through, there is no pain.
 But only in the mind , can one see, 
the peson I envision, I hope that she's me. 

I hope she see's the world; for its holy and true. 
I hope she finds love, or it's that which finds you.

 Too many pale faces.
 All look alike. come from the darkness.
 Grave from the fight.
 Fight for the soul, discover its code.
 At 17 years, she felt oh so old. 

I don't if this makes sense. I don't if anyone even reads this.
But this is me, feeling something.
This is me, expressing.

Snow Day Missions

Forget about that blizzard in New York, mother nature has decided to bombard Canada with a snow storm. So, you know what that means... SNOW DAY! When I was younger, these were the days where I would rush outside in my highlighter pink snowpants. Covered from head to toe in the warmest gear my mom could throw on me, barely being able to move, somehow I still loved every moment. Every ball of snow thrown at me, every snow angel, the whole bit. Those are the kind of things that I can appreciate about winter. And when I'd come inside, with hot chocolate made and ready on the table...oh, my heart skipped a beat. But, that was a long time ago, and these snow days aren't as fun. For most of us, it's just about finishing extra work for school, or something of the sort. Luckily, I've don't everything, and have found time to pick up some fun activities for days like this. Last summer, my mom taught me how to use a sewing machine. It was quite an experience, and I can definitely appreciate all the work that designers,tailors, and all the people in the clothing industry go through. It's tough stuff! Setting the machine, threading the needle, actually sewing! It's a whole day's work! Or, for a beginner like me, a whole week, but in that week, I was proud to make my first summer dress. It was a little blue thing, and maybe I'll post pictures when I'm less lazy, but I was very proud. And from this, I've been motivated to tailor some of my other clothes, so hopefully that could be today's mission.

Friday Night Playlist: The Ultimate Chill Package

It's days away from February and for many highschoolers across the GTA (Greater Toronto Area), this is the time for semester 2. New semester, new you!
That's what we like to think, while we trudge into classes, dreading the formulas and assignments that will soon bombard us. Yeah... Fun stuff.

But before we get to all that, let's enjoy the moment. Let's enjoy a beautiful Friday night in January. My favourite way to spend a night like this? Throw on some calming music, grab a cup of tea, and watch my ratchet shows. Yes, I'll admit it. I watch Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta and Hollywood. But tonight, I just want to blog.

Music and writing is good for the soul. And so is this playlist.

I orginally made it for a friend of mine, for his birthday. I use to be afraid to share music with people. I was always a lover of indie, rock, alternative, etc, and that never made me specifically "cool" with the other kids. They were expecting me to recite ever lyric from Jay-z and bounce to every soca beat. Now, that's fine and all. I love the music of the black community, but I refuse to be limited, or put in a box. I refuse for anyone to dictate how music should make me feel and what I should and should not relate to.

This playlist, the ultimate chill package, is everything and more. It have the soft melodies, rising tempos, something to think about, something get amped about, and most importantly, something to feel. Every song in this, to me, has so much meaning. Every beat, instrument, and note come together to create something next to perfection. Yes, I'm probably being super extra, but I love it, and I made it.
The transitions are perfect. We start of slow with Ivy-Active Child, and towards the middle we get some hip-hop from Childish Gambino. Something we can get hyped to, until we bring it back down with some Frank Ocean and FKA Twigs later. Trust me, this was carefully calculated.

So, try it. Listen.
Grab your tea and experience the Ultimate Chill Package.

The Ultimate Chill Package from livelife1 on 8tracks Radio.